Journey called Life.

I know that the title sounds too heavy but all i want to write about now is some aspects of my life which has constantly changed.

By reading most of my posts you would have by now realized that am a narcissist and should tell you that a proud one as well.

Let me just trace back my life right from my school days and try to figure out the confidence quotient of mine.

Till my class 8th i have no clue how i was studying,all i knew was my dad used to ask me questions..every question and every subject and i used to answer,never did i study or read on my own,i still wonder how i could answer..was i so attentive in class??I have no clue but this is how i was till 8th so i didn't even know what confidence actually was back then.

In my 9th standard is when i started to study on my own and believe me it was one of the worst nightmares of my life.During the study holidays i used to study from 6 in the morning to 12 in the night without any break or anything and that is easily the hardest i have worked and that resulted in my worst performance ever,i landed in higher 60's somewhere in 68% i guess but before that consistently i was in higher 80's,pretty close to 90..So my confidence was dented very badly and the same year i was about to give my 10th exams!!!What did i do???did i work harder!!No all i did was relax and took studies more lightly and i did do well.got my confidence and good marks as well i scored 91.52%,one of the highest of my performances till then .

I joined college and whole of 1 puc all i did was come back from college just have a glance of what was done on the day and studies became simple and easy.
Second puc i joined tuitions(one of the best in Bangalore) and the way coaching was being done and the intensity of the routine broke my confidence and i doubted myself about doing well in exams but this didn't last long,i had college from 10 - 3:30 and tuitions from 5:30 to 9:15 so i had no time to study but that is when i became nocturnal and used to study till 2 in the night.I did get good marks and did well in cet as well though i couldn't get within 1000 which haunts me forever.

Next when i came to engg,i was confident and at the same time hard and smart working but my results never show that,i have been an average student according to marks in BE but i always felt i was much better than that but never did the marks dampen my confidence but in fact it pushed me to work harder.

I joined work and attended training for about 15 days,i swear i understood nothing other than 3 data types in perl and theory of oracle and everything else was much beyond me but i learnt html and css to good extent but little did i knew then that i would be working in the Ui team,i am very grateful for getting opportunity in that field.For about 4 months did some internal projects and through that i learnt a bit and then our academic project had to be completed in 10 days and worked real hard and then is when i got good knowledge about db,emb perl and javascript,i felt i wasn't so bad in my technical skills. Once college got over and got into full time work,i was fed up and lost confidence since i didn't have any worthwhile work for nearly 5 months,i got restless and had lost confidence cos didn't farewell in evaluation test so thought of qutting but that is when my team lead explained about the industry and told that we can't expect work always in an IT industry,i stuck there and for the next 5 months from then got good amount of work,but next six months is when i shaped my career to where i am now,i had to work on a php project,so learnt basics of php and did that and then some good enhancements were handed over to me and then building couple of decent websites,i had to toil and work real hard to get the concepts and implement them as well.It helped to grow better.So confidence was back

Then i joined my current company,i loved the atmosphere and the kind of work i would be into but at the same time had the pressure to perform cos the 3 other developers were just too brilliant and i always consider myself an average guy and i think that is what pushes me to work hard and do good.I have been part of about 3 releases now and i should say i am pretty happy and confident about myself,i never knew that i could be so good technically and i am loving the job,i like the atmosphere here and the freedom,the releases are very aggressive but i still don't see any time constraint for myself,in fact i am loving my work so much that i have always been in front of my laptop working if not in front of my lappy my mind is thinking about solving an issue or something,

Got no clue again as to why i wrote this post..

Sanjay Ke Thande Funde

These are some witty lines which has come to my mind during conversations or while driving or reading or playing or surfing or bathing.I have put some of them here and this post will be getting updated.


*I am bad at English but others i know are badder

*Everyone are entitled to their opinion no matter how stupid they are or how stupid it may seem to others.

*When a friend calls you out,just cross check if his/her gf/bf is busy,their vehicle is broken down or there is a shortage of vehicle or there is a need from you then you will understand the depth of your friendship.

*He who owes you nothing will always remain your friend,so that he can owe from you anytime.

*In olden days bus stops provided shelter for many homeless and needy and it still does but now for the college guys.

*Life is a game so everyone plays but with others lives.

*If every girl finds her own guy as it is happening in cities now,social crimes like dowry and abortion rates will go down.

*If there isn't a stop on the growth of the number of mobile phones,Government will introduce tax on them too.

Absolutely Confused!!!!!!!!!

What am i going through??Whats running on my mind??What am i feeling???Am i undergoing hormonal and enzyme changes..is it me going out of adolescence..or is it growing up..or becoming responsible..or taking up responsibility..or getting ready for personal commitment..or am i desperate..or is it just boredom..or am i finding new ways to spend money and while away time..or is it something more serious!!!as the title goes am totally absolutely soulfully and truthfully confused...

yes i confess that atleast once in a day i think about having a serious girlfriend(this with due respects to all my existing and historic girlfriends..he he) but whats that i need to do to have one...Crap!!whatever it is i am too lazy..let the right girl make her own way into my life..no no..i don't want to take chances.."This is my life and i am damn serious about it"..straight from RHTDM..absolutely baseless in this context...but sounded nice so added it..ok yeah that happens daily so what should i do..as far as i am concerned nothing..but i hope this isn't wrong..cos i have doubts whether its the right way to deal with it..lets come back to this later..first lets see the history behind this...

I have 2 very very close friends and baddi maklu..one is getting married and one has a gf since 3 years..has this company corrupted the innocent mind of me..may be..bad boys..ya getting a bit serious..yes i also think so that its nice to have female company especially when u msg ur friends for freaking out and they think twice..am not complaining..just writing my feelings out..

advantages:u get sweet smses always..frequent calls..ANYTIME company..kills boredom..ample care and concern..an able guide at times...constant encouragement and a permanent sure shot fan..confidence booster..

disadvantages:u get sweet smses always..frequent calls..always company..u get bored after a while..monotony..too much care and concern..too much bossy..too much interfernce..no space..CAN'T flirt..over expectation and the list just goes on..

it just depends on the way u look at things..

I am aimlessly going on typing here..why am i writing this post...huff..this is worse than "God tussi great ho" movie i guess...

ok...i think i got this thought cos of some parental pressure to get married and high quality boredom over some weekends..

On the more serious front..i think there is atleast an year to go before i get ready for the phase of my life..

On whether i would find a girl myself or not..mostly not..i would give my parents the deserved preivilage and i would approve if i like her..(i seriously donno till when this would be valid) i have loved one girl and she is happily married so i don't have any other choice i guess..

One thing is very sure..i am not looking for a girlfriend..if i find one i wouldn't ignore..

I have done all the things upto now at the right time and i would get this done at the perfect moment..

PS:Without having a "gf"..i experience the advantages and disadvantages i have mentioned thanks to my sweet friend...

after reading this post people may have hundred judgements about but who the hell cares..i write what i feel..i care to opinion or judgement of none..
Writing this post was really funny happy and felt real good..

Rules, Regulations and Laws in India

This is one of my favorite topics to debate on right from my school days.I guess i would have spoken about this to every relative who has spoken sense with me.

This topic came to my mind when one of my friends who was here from US was discussing about the accident he had and the compensation he received.The incident was like he was in his friend's car and a guy came and hit the car and ran away..within moments some 4 police cars arrived and one police car were checking on the guys in the car and other 3 went and got the guy and a case was filed and all the guys in the car got compensated..may be a wrong word cos none of them had any injury or loss but still compensated..Whatever but where as in India "hit n run" is a common scenario and forget about the person responsible for it getting caught the person injured won't even get help for hours in some cases.

There are 3 incidents that happened which are very serious and nothing has been done so far.
1.My friend's uncle was run down by a Charisse and he lost his life.Driver ran away and i guess the case is going on..donno when it will be closed.

2.My friend's car was hit by a private bus in one of the national highways and one of my friends is seriously injured and nothing has been done yet.I have heard from ppl there that private buses running down ppl is a very common scenario..Holy crap..

3.This is just too inhuman..one of my friends was driving his bike from Bangalore to Hassan and he was run down by some vehicle(none knows about the incident) and he was lying down there and rather than he getting some help he was hit on his head and robbed of his phone and other valuables..Wow..what a nice gesture.


I am not complaining about India or anything just wanting to know why law and order is not being maintained..Lack of people???

Ppl may argue saying US has less people so maintaing law and order is easy but y can't ppl understand that it is more necessary in India mainly cos of so much population.

And our constitution is so damn rotten old that a 16 year old can get a learner's liecence for a 50cc vehicle only.Can anyone tell me any existing 50cc vehicle...
Why can't ppl understand that everything has an expiry date..Politicians have been using Mercedes instead of ambassadors.Why can't constituion be altered based on need?

And corruption!!!!!I hate this bloody thing to the core..
I lost my mobile and early morning my dad went to lodge a complaint,the answer he gets is "Sir,early morning no business yet.."what does that mean???

If all these and such things are not taken care of India will be a developing nation forever with individual Indian swiss accounts being piled up..

Relief,Belief,Realisation and Hope

Last couple of months have been very demanding both on the physical and mental front.I joined Epsilon(Marlabs sounds better) with a cloud of hope of a blooming career and of course a long one here and what not i did for it,I fought against my low confidence and for about a month worked for 3 teams ( UI,web development and QA)..After 18 months where am i???Looking out for a job and a cloud of hope again..Whats the reason??Not my performance or anything related to sanity but due to some mergers and internal higher management conflicts the India team is supposedly closing down..What is the mistake of fresh college passout with dreams who have joined this company? worng choice!!!How the hell do students know about this dirty stuff that happens in some dirty brains of the management.I don't give a damn but irritated cos was a victim of it but certainly learnt a lot.I went through some interviews not knowing what technology they were using..Then after a couple of such mistakes by consultancies i got into a startup company called "injoos"..Happy and relived..

Right from my childhood i love Tirupati.I feel the difference in myself when i am there..can't explain...May be a coincidence or may be luck..All good things in my life happen when am there or planning to go there..Love the place and feeling..I have my belief in the safe hands of the divine almighty Lord Venkateshwara..

Whenever i am traveling i have this habit of allowing the wind to blow across my face(not that i can disallow:-) ) and that is the time i give for introspecting myself.The journey back from Tirupati on July 30 2008 was a pretty serious one.. I looked back at my life and saw that it had been nearly an year that i had given quality time for myself..What was i doing??? Trying to shape up my career i guess..hmmmm..donno if its a good enough reason to deny time for myself in fact no reason would be..Have i given time for my parents and grandma??NO was the answer..shocked and sad i was but knew they would have understood the situation..for friends????sad but true..neither of them had time to find out about my time..They have "moved on"(whatever it means) but what i realised the most was if i had given enough time for myself i would have been a much balanced person than what i was during the small crisis i went through.I decided that i would give time for my parents and grandma..they deserve the most..i surely and certainly will have time for myself..last but never ever the least i always have time for friends who have time for me..This realisation struck me when i was just gazing at the sky and looked at the stars,,it had been months since i saw stars in the sky..A mi so busy???Crap!!! i disagree..there used to a time when me and my friends used to identify the constellations but now i don't even see stars..he he..


Relief that i have a job...Belief that Lord Venkateshwara is there with me when i am on the right track..Realised that time is precious and needs to be spent in precious ways with precious ones and hope that my belief keeps me relived and realised always..

Tough Times

Yo people..long time no see..

Over the past month there has been an uncertainty over the job..
There have been rumours that 'India operations' would be shut down and all that crap but none has any official news.

My manager in US is the only guy who has been optimistic and encouraging.
He is a gem of a guy,i adore and admire him a lot.Great human being.

So there i started getting startled and applied for jobs and attended interviews.
First interview was bad.Second interview good but a crappy profile and workplace.Third company i went for was just like a dream company but i had no experience or knowledge for the profile they were looking for.

And on my current company,i am too emotional to leave it,its a cool place to work and learn.

I have got some other projects apart form work which has kept me occupied way too much.Working from 11 in the morning to 3 in the morning for 20 days and without a break over the weekend.

I need a break a good break.Let me see when i get it.

Disturbed...

After all those happy times there has been a testing time for me in the past month or so but i enjoy it as well..I don't give a bloody fuck to these bad times..i will show my middle finger and move on stronger...

First i lost my cell phone..due to my carelessness or bad luck..being an emotional fool like me it took nearly a week to console myself..emotional towards it cos had bought it with a part of my first salary and had lots of messages stored in it..

Then the girl whom i had loved for 13 years got married..God bless her..

Then my lovely friend is moving to chennai for 1 year for CA coaching..Will miss her dearly..