Journey called Life.

I know that the title sounds too heavy but all i want to write about now is some aspects of my life which has constantly changed.

By reading most of my posts you would have by now realized that am a narcissist and should tell you that a proud one as well.

Let me just trace back my life right from my school days and try to figure out the confidence quotient of mine.

Till my class 8th i have no clue how i was studying,all i knew was my dad used to ask me questions..every question and every subject and i used to answer,never did i study or read on my own,i still wonder how i could answer..was i so attentive in class??I have no clue but this is how i was till 8th so i didn't even know what confidence actually was back then.

In my 9th standard is when i started to study on my own and believe me it was one of the worst nightmares of my life.During the study holidays i used to study from 6 in the morning to 12 in the night without any break or anything and that is easily the hardest i have worked and that resulted in my worst performance ever,i landed in higher 60's somewhere in 68% i guess but before that consistently i was in higher 80's,pretty close to 90..So my confidence was dented very badly and the same year i was about to give my 10th exams!!!What did i do???did i work harder!!No all i did was relax and took studies more lightly and i did do well.got my confidence and good marks as well i scored 91.52%,one of the highest of my performances till then .

I joined college and whole of 1 puc all i did was come back from college just have a glance of what was done on the day and studies became simple and easy.
Second puc i joined tuitions(one of the best in Bangalore) and the way coaching was being done and the intensity of the routine broke my confidence and i doubted myself about doing well in exams but this didn't last long,i had college from 10 - 3:30 and tuitions from 5:30 to 9:15 so i had no time to study but that is when i became nocturnal and used to study till 2 in the night.I did get good marks and did well in cet as well though i couldn't get within 1000 which haunts me forever.

Next when i came to engg,i was confident and at the same time hard and smart working but my results never show that,i have been an average student according to marks in BE but i always felt i was much better than that but never did the marks dampen my confidence but in fact it pushed me to work harder.

I joined work and attended training for about 15 days,i swear i understood nothing other than 3 data types in perl and theory of oracle and everything else was much beyond me but i learnt html and css to good extent but little did i knew then that i would be working in the Ui team,i am very grateful for getting opportunity in that field.For about 4 months did some internal projects and through that i learnt a bit and then our academic project had to be completed in 10 days and worked real hard and then is when i got good knowledge about db,emb perl and javascript,i felt i wasn't so bad in my technical skills. Once college got over and got into full time work,i was fed up and lost confidence since i didn't have any worthwhile work for nearly 5 months,i got restless and had lost confidence cos didn't farewell in evaluation test so thought of qutting but that is when my team lead explained about the industry and told that we can't expect work always in an IT industry,i stuck there and for the next 5 months from then got good amount of work,but next six months is when i shaped my career to where i am now,i had to work on a php project,so learnt basics of php and did that and then some good enhancements were handed over to me and then building couple of decent websites,i had to toil and work real hard to get the concepts and implement them as well.It helped to grow better.So confidence was back

Then i joined my current company,i loved the atmosphere and the kind of work i would be into but at the same time had the pressure to perform cos the 3 other developers were just too brilliant and i always consider myself an average guy and i think that is what pushes me to work hard and do good.I have been part of about 3 releases now and i should say i am pretty happy and confident about myself,i never knew that i could be so good technically and i am loving the job,i like the atmosphere here and the freedom,the releases are very aggressive but i still don't see any time constraint for myself,in fact i am loving my work so much that i have always been in front of my laptop working if not in front of my lappy my mind is thinking about solving an issue or something,

Got no clue again as to why i wrote this post..